lunitaire: (Briefs)
So I had tried the other day to sign up for classes at Calhoun despite not knowing whether I wanted to attend them or not and found that Calhoun had decided for me by removing my ability to sign up for classes due to my graduation application.

UAH gave me a day to come talk to them: Friday, January 7, 2011 from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. I still don't know if I want to go to it. I have to make this decision by December 1st because that's when all the scholarship information is due. :c I really don't want to go to UAH. If I go there, then I remove any chance of getting a transfer scholarship to any other four year university, which means once I start going there, I have to do it till I'm all the way through, or I'll just be wasting money.

If I did go to UAH I would probably double-major in Philosophy and Art with a minor in French and Japanese. I have to at least hand it to UAH that they have decent, if not pretty good, programs in everything I would want to study other than Art, while most of the good art schools I've looked at don't have any of that stuff at all. :/ I just hate the idea of being in Huntsville because I know so many of my friends that I'm not close to are going to be like "why the hell are you studying that stuff? You can't get a job in that stuff!" I know they'll say that because they've already been saying that, and some of them will be in my classes. Funny yeah? They take classes in stuff that they would love to major in but cannot financially justify majoring in those things and feel the need to push their concerns onto me to justify their own decisions. I don't mean that meanly; I know they mean well and are saying those things out of concern.

But I for one am not going to spend money I don't have on something I won't enjoy and think worth the debt. I mean that's why I've spent so much time worrying about this all. I don't believe in regret, and I live my life in such a way so that I won't regret my decisions later in life. I already have clinical depression; why give that depression fuel against myself in the long run? I don't want to kill myself as an adult because I never lived the life I needed to live emotionally. Sandy did that already, and I was left in the aftermath. No matter how much I reminded her of herself as a youngster, I won't become her as an adult because I love her too much and myself too much to do that to either of us.

I enjoy learning philosophy because it helps structure my mind. I'm going to learn it anyway so why not start now while I'm still in school? The French and Japanese minors are because I want to go to France and Japan both one day to study art, and it's impossible to do that without years of practice in the languages, so the earlier I start the sooner I can achieve those dreams. And art? I'm an artist, aren't I? Or at least I consider myself one, regardless of what others may say.

I guess I could always just go to UAH to learn Philosophy and language as much as possible and wait to worry about the art mainly for a Master's. Of course who knows if I'll be in a position to get a loan for a master's in two to three years, but I guess we'll just have to find out?

January 2017

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